Three’s Company: Ranking Knife Adventures

So, here’s the deal: Is three movies enough to make a ranking? Heck yes! Ask an old-school Star Wars fan—one who’s probably sporting lower back pain, has a dusty VHS collection of Ewok adventures, and a pension fund that looks like it was hit by a meteorite. They’ll firmly inform you that their Original Trilogy ranking is set in stone: Empire at number one, followed by A New Hope, and Return of the Jedi bringing up the rear. Not that wild at all, right? But you might catch a few renegades daring to switch the first two! Keep your eyes peeled, folks. Now, we’re throwing our hat into the ring and ranking Rian Johnson’s Knives Out trilogy now that they’re all binge-worthy and streaming. If you think our rankings stink, we get it! Everyone’s got an opinion, and yours is the most important. So grab some popcorn and here it is…

3. Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery

Jumping into the fray, we have Glass Onion, which landed on our screens in 2022. This sequel is nothing if not a wild ride! Benoit Blanc (played by the ever-charming Daniel Craig) returns, scaling the heights of a private Greek island owned by the fabulously irritating tech billionaire Miles Bron—who could basically be called “Mlon Eusk” for how ridiculously pretentious he is. Bron’s idea of fun? Inviting his closest, most resentful pals for a weekend of puzzle-solving that ends up revealing that everyone in attendance is hilariously clueless and disloyal—Bron included, of course! While Glass Onion got praise from critics, opinions were as split as a cheap pair of jeans. Its broader comedic moments sometimes drown out the emotional weight of the story. We have Blanc’s assistant, Helen Brand (Janelle Monáe), who dives into the deeper themes of grief and loss, but somehow the film spreads itself too thin on spectacle. There’s definitely a lot going on—you know, like Bron being hilariously dumb, as Blanc so aptly states!

2. Wake Up Dead Man: A Knives Out Mystery

Next up is Wake Up Dead Man, and let me tell you, this movie is pushing the needle on ambition! This latest entry shows more maturity than a toddler left at a fancy dinner. Johnson dives into deeper themes and gives us a Blanc who’s more of a side dish than the main course—much to the delight or dismay of fans craving more of his antics. The movie features Josh O’Connor as Reverend Jud Duplenticy, stepping into the shoes of a new associate priest. He’s our spiritual vibe while Blanc brings his Sherlock Holmes logic to the fray, trying to unravel the mystery of Monsignor Wicks—who may or may not have shifted from ‘murdered’ to ‘miraculously resurrected’ after being knifed mid-sermon. The dynamic between Duplenticy and Blanc is a delight, yet the murder mystery itself plays a bit of second fiddle to Johnson’s deep exploration of spirituality. One particularly emotional moment between Duplenticy and a woman dealing with her mother’s illness hits like a freight train, giving the film a pulse that the others simply don’t match.

1. Knives Out

And here we are, at number one: the original Knives Out—a masterpiece that’s still as sharp as a freshly honed blade. Upon its release, it had critics and audiences singing its praises, lauding its clever twists, tightly-packed mystery, and that glorious sweet spot where suspense meets giggles. Without this gem, we wouldn’t even be chatting about a “Knives Out trilogy” six years later! Released alongside an era of “eat-the-rich” flicks like The Menu and Ready or Not, it deftly tackles class issues through the hilarious yet dysfunctional Thrombey family, who can’t seem to get over Grandpa’s death and are ready to bicker over inheritance like kids over a last slice of pizza. Bless their hearts! Craig’s Foghorn Leghorn impersonation as Blanc was like adding hot sauce to a bland dish—suddenly, everyone’s interested! Paired with a killer ensemble cast that includes the likes of Michael Shannon and Chris Evans, it revitalized murder mysteries in Hollywood. Seriously, Netflix forked over a cool $469 million for rights to the sequels—so you know it’s good! Why does the first film take the crown? It’s the perfect cocktail of humor, suspense, and drama—delivering every plot twist expertly and creating characters that are as unforgettable as your grandma’s fruitcake. The way it unfolds is like a grand reveal at a magic show, leaving you beaming long after the credits roll. Six years on, it’s not just a solid flick; it’s THE flick that hits the sweet spot among all three films! 🎉