This Film is NOT a Future Release.
The Following Preview has been Archived.
November 9th, 2006:
The story centers on four grown-up orphans with very diverse backgrounds. One was raised by a curator at the Louvre, the second escaped from the perilous world of Mexican lucha libre style wrestling, the third survived a harrowing encounter with snakes on a plane thousands of feet in the air, and the fourth was once a member of the X-community. Together, the hapless foursome finds a ticket to Willy’s Factory, where they discover a shocking secret: Willy has been using orphans as a tasty, secret additive to his candy. Fearing that their lives are in danger, the quartet stumbles onto an enchanted wardrobe. When they peek inside, they are magically transported to the vast, far-away land of Gnarnia, where they meet a flamboyant pirate captain, some disturbed students of wizardry, and a wise-but-horny lion. Soon they realize that their troubles are only beginning when they learn of the evil White Bitch of Gnarnia that rules the land.What to Expect:
The official plot synopsis starts out with the following statement: “The twisted minds of two of the six writers of ‘Scary Movie’ tackle the biggest mega-blockbusters of all time in ‘Epic Movie.’” Yes it’s true, writer-directors Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer have contributed to the Scary Movie series as part of a team of writers, which has allowed them to spin-off their very own “Movie” franchise(s). The duo co-wrote the moderately successful Date Movie, which Seltzer directed. Surprisingly, despite the overwhelmingly negative reviews, possibly the worst of 2006, the film garnered in $21.8 million on opening weekend, but since it was not pre-screened for critics, the bad publicity did not come out until after the fact. Date Movie definitely slowed down considerably after the strong opening, but it did manage to bring in $48.5 million during its domestic theatrical run. With Scary Movie 4
raking in just over $90 million and Scary Movie 5
already in the works, the guys who brought us Date Movie are banking on the fact that the viewing public just doesn’t seem to be able to resist this sort of tasteless, exhausting, unoriginal humor that only works in pieces during a 30 second television spot. Please, let’s prove them wrong this time. Article continues below
The problems with parody films like Scary Movies 3 and 4 and Date Movie
is that the filmmakers seem to believe that simply recreating the most easily recognizable scenes from other movies is satirical enough. No amusing writing is actually necessary when you can replicate the moments verbatim, only with less famous actors who simply exaggerate the behavior of the stars they parody. There’s also focus on quantity over quality, so in order to parody several flicks in rapid succession, the above formula is applied to each movie dozens of times. Date Movie was one sloppy reference after another and Epic Movie does not appear to stray very far from this formula.
Here are examples of some of the parody scenes that will make it into the film. There will be a Da Vinci Code
title sequence, complete with its very own albino killer. A relatively shabby looking version of the lion from The Chronicles of Narnia
will wrestle with a monk. During an enormous battle sequence that is intended to parody the big Narnia war scene, several Stormtroopers from Star Wars will be revealed battling among the armored and leather-clad mob. The orphan girl in the Snakes on a Plane
parody is supposedly on board the aircraft going to meet her new parents, Brad Pitt
and Angelina Jolie
. After the snakes are released, an actor resembling Samuel L. Jackson
comes out and continuously repeats the now infamous line “I’m tired of these muthaf***ing snakes on a muthaf***ing plane!” He then throws the orphan out of the plane and she ends up landing on Paris Hilton of all people. That’s the type of references that Epic Movie will be making.
Reportedly The Chronicles of Narnia, Superman
, Snakes on a Plane, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, The Da Vinci Code, Pirates of the Caribbean
, Nacho Libre
, and MTV Cribs will all be parodied in Epic Movie. Clearly, several items on that list just don’t belong there, as they don’t quite qualify as epics. Technically, some don’t even qualify as movies and they differ so drastically from each other that it’s difficult to imagine any plot that could possibly splice this jumbled mess of references together in any coherent way. Someone also forgot to tell the filmmakers that Borat is already a parody and an infinitely sharper and more uproarious one than Epic Movie could ever possibly be. But, I realize that the filmmakers simply don’t care about that. The focus here is on referencing as much recent junk as possible in order to attract a larger audience. In fact, Epic Movie doesn’t even seem to spoof other movies; it only spoofs their trailers. This way, everyone seems to be in on the “joke,” even those that missed Nacho Libre. The problem here is that no two movies go together.In Conclusion:
Just when I thought Kal Penn
(Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle, Superman Returns) was doing pretty well for himself, he decides to add this sorry project to the upcoming dreadful sequel Van Wilder: The Rise of Taj
. Sadly, Epic Movie will only be good for young teens or those with a very short attention span, who can follow a sketch for no more than 30 seconds and only if it spoofs the most obvious of things. The flick will utilize the same tired formula that the last two Scary Movies followed so relentlessly – throw as much stuff as possible on the screen and hopefully 1 joke out of 100 will stick. In a manner that almost admits that the material is simply not working, the filmmakers will franticly jump from one reference to the next. To avoid any flaws from becoming too glaring, the filmmakers have already populated the picture with some distracting eye candy in the form of Playboy Playmates Irina Voronina and Jillian Grace and model Mary Castro. That should help turn some brains off.Similar Titles: Date Movie
, Scary Movie 3
, Scary Movie 4
, Spy Hard