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First "Conan the Barbarian" Review is Very, Very Negative

Posted: August 15th, 2011 by WorstPreviews.com Staff
First "Conan the Barbarian" Review is Very, Very NegativeSubmit Comment
"Conan the Barbarian" remake is set to appear in theaters on Friday (August 19th) and just premiered in the UK. While most outlets are waiting to post their reviews, The Playlist decided to be the first.

Here is a clip from the review: "There are been plenty of bad movies this year, but at least you feel that people were trying for, say, 'Battle: Los Angeles' or 'Sucker Punch,' they didn't actually set out to make a bad movie. 'Conan The Barbarian' just comes across as half-assed; a quick, cheap, cash-grab with nothing but contempt for its audience, something that would look shoddy even if it were the direct-to-DVD movie it so often resembles. And you should stay away from it like it was horde of bandits coming to burn down your village."

The site gave the film an "F" rating and I have a feeling that there will be plenty more negative reviews once the film actually hits theaters. Read the entire review here.

Source: The Playlist


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Displaying 66 comment(s) Profanity: Turn On
PaulX7 writes:
on August 15th, 2011 at 5:22:24 AM

I'm such a big fan of the comics and the first Conan with Arnie, but that doesn't sound good, unfortunately... f*ck Jason Momoa and Marcus Nispel, may they burn in hell!
teskens writes:
on August 15th, 2011 at 5:22:27 AM

why am i not surprised
Rambo writes:
on August 15th, 2011 at 5:39:18 AM

wonder what will be the box office results
nawtnt writes:
on August 15th, 2011 at 5:44:08 AM

I think the studios should stop remaking 80's classics now that Conan The Barbarian has got it's first very bad review.

Maybe this might get panned by the critics and bombed at the box office which might make it a cult classic.
pornfly writes:
on August 15th, 2011 at 6:22:48 AM

f*ckn movie molesters,who was their test audience mamoas' family!?They shouldv called it somthn else and released it on dvd then it couldv stood a chance
Sev writes:
on August 15th, 2011 at 6:45:17 AM

I am Jack's complete lack of surprise
Avirex writes:
on August 15th, 2011 at 6:53:46 AM

I'm buying four copies of this on Blu Ray, a copy for every room.
Kurskij writes:
on August 15th, 2011 at 7:05:40 AM

Hiring Nispel wasn't a good idea to begin with.

Same with Bulgaria shoot.

Eh, I'll still give it a chance.

Momoa looks like a decent Conan to me.
Kurskij writes:
on August 15th, 2011 at 7:07:03 AM

Sure, you can shoot in Bulgaria.

But it's either bulgarian fowl or bulgarian population, not a $90mil. movie.
bandolero999 writes:
on August 15th, 2011 at 7:20:32 AM

Everything looks decent is just MOMOA that seems outta place
NotAmerican writes:
on August 15th, 2011 at 7:21:13 AM

I don't trust this reviewer because I actually liked Sucker Punch but I'll wait and see for myself if its sh*t or not
LastActionHero writes:
on August 15th, 2011 at 7:51:59 AM

All you had to do was look at the horrid casting for Conan and realize this was nothing but a B-movie with extra money for CGI.
SeWerin writes:
on August 15th, 2011 at 8:00:40 AM

Found another one. This is from someone who’s read and enjoyed the Howard stories, is a big fan of Sword-and-Sorcery cinema, and is open to the idea of Conan films not directly adapting one of the original tales. This reviewer absolutely savages the film from a storytelling, film-making and adaptation standpoint. The direction, editing, acting, effects, set design, music – nothing comes out alive. My impression of this review is that the film fails not only as a Howardian adaptation, or a decent Conan pastiche… but as a piece of narrative fiction in itself. This is quite a profound disaster, at least from this particular reviewer’s perspective.

http://www.znaksagite.com/diskusije/index.php?topic=8208.150

Just scroll down till you find english text
Rambo writes:
on August 15th, 2011 at 8:02:07 AM

I wonder if it can top Battle:LA in it suckiness level.sounds like mission impossible to me.
boogiel writes:
on August 15th, 2011 at 8:29:15 AM

I'm not surprised. Saw that coming a mile away.
Max Rockatansky Junior writes:
on August 15th, 2011 at 8:30:01 AM

Wow. I never thought I would see a sword and sorcery movie worse than Dungeons & Dragons ... and this comes out.

This version of Conan is the Tawny Kitaen of Conan movies.
happyguy815 writes:
on August 15th, 2011 at 8:48:12 AM

This sh*t is gonna flop hard. Nobody is gonna get off their lazy ass to go see Jason Momoa.
bandolero999 writes:
on August 15th, 2011 at 8:54:13 AM

Guess Fright Night doesnt have competition this weekend or probably Planet of the Apes will be no 1 again at the Box OFFice.

SO much for you writing the sequel Momoa.Looks like your gonna have to go back to Tv.
beepboop writes:
on August 15th, 2011 at 9:43:13 AM

It's a Marcus Nispel movie. Ofcourse it's awful.
I called it when I heard he was going to direct.

Anyone who is surprised by this clearly has never seen Pathfinder.
coldplayesence writes:
on August 15th, 2011 at 10:02:12 AM

Key word: Ron Pearlman. He's in every sh*tty movie and not that it's his fault but it's a strange coincidence.
Powdered Toast Man writes:
on August 15th, 2011 at 10:03:23 AM

No one is surprised. This movie looks terrible. Should have just called it something else.
Ranger writes:
on August 15th, 2011 at 10:08:00 AM

This guy acts like he wants to be Conan.

Arnie was Conan.

GuyBushwithWood writes:
on August 15th, 2011 at 10:27:44 AM

wow i'm shocked, I knew this would be sh*t the moment I notcied the Batman like Bale voice Jason Momoa puts on. When the gonna learn, you don't need the I smoke 200 cigarettes a day voice in order to appear tough.
BadChadB33 writes:
on August 15th, 2011 at 10:53:14 AM

Looks like I in all my bets.
happyguy815 writes:
on August 15th, 2011 at 11:05:46 AM

This is gonna flop harder than my nuts on my bitches chin. Except there isn't gonna be a good climax afterwards.
happyguy815 writes:
on August 15th, 2011 at 11:16:04 AM

I bet they could just not release this movie in theaters at all and nobody would notice or give a f*ck.
happyguy815 writes:
on August 15th, 2011 at 11:18:29 AM

Remember when people were excited for this movie?

Me neither.
nawtnt writes:
on August 15th, 2011 at 11:42:09 AM

I think Conan will flop badly maybe destroying Jason Momoa's dreams of being a huge star and making a sequel.

I really hope this will do well because the trailer is a bit cheesy but the cast seems okay.
Serpico1988 writes:
on August 15th, 2011 at 12:22:08 PM

That's it then you pieces of sh*t, and you will never learn from this. F*** you and f*** your remakes.
rabid writes:
on August 15th, 2011 at 12:27:12 PM

Almost all of the film reviews on their site are negative. I'll trust my own tastes over that of some sh*thead critic who sets out to purposefully shoot down a movie.
rocketman writes:
on August 15th, 2011 at 1:24:44 PM

Not surprised but Sucker Punch got slated by everyone but i thought it was amazing,the mental age of a 12 year old helps but still,loved it so even though it looks sh*t I'm going to check it out.
DexterMorgan writes:
on August 15th, 2011 at 1:30:40 PM

not suprised one bit
anaheimducks writes:
on August 15th, 2011 at 2:17:59 PM

I don't give a sh*t about this movie this won't even be a redbox rental for me.
trailertrash writes:
on August 15th, 2011 at 3:04:42 PM

Definitely don't need some critic to tell me this film will be crap,

The trailer did that all by it's self !!
Ranger writes:
on August 15th, 2011 at 3:09:06 PM

Arnie could snap off this punk's arm and floss with it!
Ranger writes:
on August 15th, 2011 at 3:15:38 PM

I'd rather watch: 'Squirting Mom' at the hut than this.

Yeah... yeah... yeah... dat's wat e'im talkn' 'bout!
trailertrash writes:
on August 15th, 2011 at 3:16:55 PM

Yeah and then by the looks of Momoa, he would want to sit on it afterwards !!
trailertrash writes:
on August 15th, 2011 at 3:17:50 PM

^ His stumpy arm
UnNameable_One writes:
on August 15th, 2011 at 3:36:46 PM

Ok, so im kinda lost......why exactly does everybody hate Jason Momoa?
FilmFan91201 writes:
on August 15th, 2011 at 3:40:37 PM

It's not like the original Conan with Ah-nuld was exactly Citizen Kane either...
Ranger writes:
on August 15th, 2011 at 3:41:20 PM

Because he's not Arnie.

Because this movie didn't need to be re-made.

Because it's a pale shell of Arnie's version.

Clearly our objections with him aren't always personal (don't know the guy to make them personal). I'm just THRILLED the studio that put the $'s up for this unnecessary remake are taking it high and hard in the ass with the lack of ticket sales. I don't know WTF they were thinking... but maybe somebody, somewhere will sit up and take notice and STOP all this unoriginal remake bullsh*t!
Ranger writes:
on August 15th, 2011 at 3:42:45 PM

@FilmFan - no, but the Arnie version was they typical good/bad Arnie flick. No expectations watching him slur his way through the script, and watching Mr. Universe beat up on the bad guys is always entertaining.

This latest version... just a lame, carbon copy... and we have the (lack of) ticket sales to prove that.
trailertrash writes:
on August 15th, 2011 at 3:53:22 PM

The Great Gatsby
Judge Dredd
Oldboy
Straw Dogs
RoboCop
Short Circuit
A Star Is Born
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
The Three Musketeers
Spiderman
Superman
Total Recall
The Warriors
Child’s Play
Cleopatra
The Dambusters
Dune
The Evil Dead
Excalibur
Frankenstein
Flashdance
Fright Night
Commando
Fletch
Death Wish

Stop the Remake's Ranger, If only they would !!
trailertrash writes:
on August 15th, 2011 at 3:56:57 PM

Must say i'm massive Arnold fan but i was never that much of a fan of the original, I used to watch Beastmaster more.

That said i've not seen it for years maybe i will check it out again.
Ranger writes:
on August 15th, 2011 at 4:29:18 PM

@tt - great list you put together, and yes, sad thinks those movies need to be re-made because they're just lazy untalented, unoriginal, fat-cats. The only one I'm for is RoboCop. I LOVED the first movie (sequels and TV show sucked beyond belief!)... and I still think done seriously, realistically, with 21st century effects would kick-ass!

As for the original Arnie Conan... no argument here. It sucked. But honestly... so have most of his movies. But his movies suck in an original, charming way... lol.

Same as Superman (to date), I don't think Hollyweird has the stones to make a true Conan movie.
bandolero999 writes:
on August 15th, 2011 at 4:57:35 PM

It could've been even worse.Brett Rattner was supposed up direct and Momoa was a better pick between Kellan Lutz(twilight pretty boy) or Jared Padalecki(another pretty boy)

Dolph Lundgren was the second choice after Mickey Rourke stepped out and the role was given to Ron Perlman.

Nathan Jones is also in this movie but will probably die the first 5 minutes
trailertrash writes:
on August 15th, 2011 at 5:05:34 PM

Ranger

Paul Verhoeven with Robocop and Total Recall really epitomised those 80's and early 90's action films didn't he.

How they will come across today in their remake form i'm not sure.

For people who have never seen the originals they will think they are fine i guess, but for me i will always be comparing them to their predecessors.

But Robocop has a better chance of success i think, todays technology will improve both films no doubt but the shaddow of Schwarzengger looms large over Total Recall and i'm not sure Colin can fill those shoes.

Superman 1 and 2 still the best 2 super hero movies i've seen IMO
Rambo writes:
on August 15th, 2011 at 5:57:32 PM

The first Blade was pretty awesome as well,probably has the best opening scene in any super hero movie
Chaosoverlord writes:
on August 15th, 2011 at 6:18:44 PM

I never gave a single sh*t on the oppinion of critics. There are many movies that got crushed by the critcs but i do like them. I´ll give this one a chance. I´m not expecting very much but i´m open to a surprise. Still have to wait till begining of September to see it cause it doesn´t start earlier here.
rocketman writes:
on August 15th, 2011 at 6:19:47 PM

Remakes of films that were books first are fair game IMO.It's the quality that's the issue.
prowler writes:
on August 15th, 2011 at 6:26:15 PM

what did you expect from Nispel ?
secondbest writes:
on August 15th, 2011 at 7:16:16 PM

Because none of us saw this coming. Nope. Not at all.
Raider writes:
on August 15th, 2011 at 8:06:14 PM

Also the director of the film is the same dumbass who directed the Friday the 13th remake.
snoop writes:
on August 15th, 2011 at 11:28:46 PM

Indiewire? lol, They wouldn't have liked it even if it was good.

Hopefully the studios drop the new RoboCop movie now.
rabid writes:
on August 15th, 2011 at 11:36:30 PM

Arnie's Conan was a pale impersonation of the classic Conan of literature and comics... yknow the one that people really love and have for 80 years.
But if I recall correctly, when it was first announced, most people here hated Momoa because he's half black.
Donyae 420 writes:
on August 15th, 2011 at 11:38:09 PM

Sev,Funny f*cking comment!!!!LMAO!!!
DaveThePhotoGuy writes:
on August 16th, 2011 at 12:14:20 AM

Why am I not surprised.
Stuntmanbob writes:
on August 16th, 2011 at 12:22:04 AM

I would hope no one would be surprised, especially after the rediculously horrible acting from the trailers. Jason Momoa was good in game of thrones cause he either didn't talk or it was in a different language, they obviously should had continued that tactic
Wallace writes:
on August 16th, 2011 at 4:10:48 AM

http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/conan_the_barbarian_2011/#top-critics-numbers
Lulupendragon writes:
on August 16th, 2011 at 10:51:24 AM

Critics will trash any movie they personally don't like. I don't trust them.
Dre-EL writes:
on August 16th, 2011 at 6:01:30 PM

Why hasnt Dustin done his review as yet? I say we wait and see what he says, before calling it a vomitous suck fest.

Max Rockatansky Junior writes:
on August 16th, 2011 at 7:42:28 PM

rabid writes:
on August 15th, 2011 at 11:36:30 PM

Arnie's Conan was a pale impersonation of the classic Conan of literature and comics... yknow the one that people really love and have for 80 years.
But if I recall correctly, when it was first announced, most people here hated Momoa because he's half black.


* No. It's because when it comes to acting, he sucks more c*ck than Elton John in a gay bar.



Rambo writes:
on August 15th, 2011 at 5:39:18 AM

wonder what will be the box office results


* Magic 8 Ball says "Not Good."



PaulX7 writes:
on August 15th, 2011 at 5:22:24 AM

I'm such a big fan of the comics and the first Conan with Arnie, but that doesn't sound good, unfortunately... f*ck Jason Momoa and Marcus Nispel, may they burn in hell!


* They already work in Hollywood. Burning in Hell would be a step up.



nawtnt writes:
on August 15th, 2011 at 5:44:08 AM

I think the studios should stop remaking 80's classics now that Conan The Barbarian has got it's first very bad review.

Maybe this might get panned by the critics and bombed at the box office which might make it a cult classic.


* Just like those other cult classics: "Taxi", "Tank Girl", "G I Joe: Rise of Cobra" and "Transformers: Rise of the Fallen"



bandolero999 writes:
on August 15th, 2011 at 7:20:32 AM

Everything looks decent is just MOMOA that seems outta place


* Nothing a firing squad couldn't fix.

Max Rockatansky Junior writes:
on August 16th, 2011 at 7:44:05 PM

Nice to see Conan the Kardashian got its first review.
UZZIEMAN writes:
on August 16th, 2011 at 11:51:26 PM

I'm freaking surprised that rottentomatoes has 4 good reviews of this and 2 bad so far it's fresh but I guess it will become rotten!
Dre-EL writes:
on August 17th, 2011 at 10:57:54 AM

@Rabid:

But if I recall correctly, when it was first announced, most people here hated Momoa because he's half black.


Conan is half black or some kind of dark skinned indian, just check out the Frank Rozetta portraits.
Orias writes:
on August 17th, 2011 at 7:32:24 PM

Rabid;

He isn't half black, he is half Samoan or Hawaiian. Many of us believed that the character should be all white since he came from European Lineage. In referring to the books though Conan did have Atlantis genes so lineage wise one could argue he should be slightly darker skin colors as Mediterranean peoples typically do have darker skin due to more exposure to the sun and elements.


And he was trashed because:
1. he is playing Conan and not Arnold.
2. Most of us agreed that although bigger than the average guy he was not huge enough to be Conan musculature wise in this you and I disagreed. He did add enough muscles that I no longer object to it but at that time his pics from Star Gate made him look too small IMO.
3. He does not have the masculine guy's guy reputation that a tough guy like Arnold or Stallone had/has.
4. Most of us didn't think it should be remade to begin with.
5. In the interviews they claimed they were not going to have hardly any magic in it, which obviously they were lying or smoking crack since the trailer has plenty of magic as it should since Howards world had a lot of it in it.

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