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Ashton Kutcher Works Out to Prepare for Armageddon

Posted: December 31st, 2010 by WorstPreviews.com Staff
Ashton Kutcher Works Out to Prepare for ArmageddonSubmit Comment
Ashton Kutcher appears on the cover of Men's Fitness this month, where he talks about what motivates him to work out, a regiment that includes running in the canyons near his home, as well as daily yoga sessions and Israeli martial art Krav Maga.

"All of my physical fitness regimen is completely tailored around the end of days," he said, adding that he is also stocking up on a firearms. "I stay fit for no other reason than to save the people I care about."

Kutcher's prediction is that people will turn on others as soon as the machines they so heavily depend on are taken away.

He said: "It won't take very much, I'm telling you. You start taking out electricity and satellites, and people are going to lose their noodle. People don't have maps anymore. People use their iPhones or GPS systems, so if there's no electricity, nobody has maps. People are going to go: 'That land's not yours, prove that it's yours,' and the only thing you have to prove it's yours is on an electric file.

Then it's like: 'What's the value of currency, and whose food is whose?' People's alarm systems at their homes will no longer work. Neither will our heating, our garbage disposals, hot-water heaters that run on gas but depend on electricity - what happens when all our modern conveniences fail? I'm going to be ready to take myself and my family to a safe place where they don't have to worry.
"

Source: Men's Fitness


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Displaying 37 comment(s) Profanity: Turn On
dbreuning writes:
on December 31st, 2010 at 6:36:41 AM

Alright, it's smart to do that and maybe he knows more than the average person because he's part of the elite but I don't think the End of Days are nearly as soon as everyone believes.
rocketman writes:
on December 31st, 2010 at 7:02:42 AM

Am i correct in thinking most people in America can easily obtain a firearm yet this 'person' still walks the earth unhinderd? China doesn't have an Aston Wotsit,just an observation.
rocketman writes:
on December 31st, 2010 at 7:04:43 AM

And what the f*cks Mens Fittness mag? bet John Wayne never read that sh*t....yeah ive got flu and i need to get laid,so what? wheres Lohan when you need her.
BadChadB33 writes:
on December 31st, 2010 at 8:10:46 AM

"Ashton Kutcher Works Out to Prepare for Armageddon"
And I could care less. Practice your hunting skills too you jackass, how are you gonna eat?
nope.com writes:
on December 31st, 2010 at 8:46:09 AM

lmao Krav Maga has officially become the new "Wearing an Affliction T-shirt syndrome"

You can't just learn it on a whim Kelso
dhkenobi writes:
on December 31st, 2010 at 9:13:50 AM

How I prepare:

http://icecreamheadache.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/zombies-1.jpg
Big_Daddy writes:
on December 31st, 2010 at 10:48:13 AM

I'm glad he will he able to climb mountains and sh*t .....I will take his milf and bang her till we die .
Rambo writes:
on December 31st, 2010 at 10:56:41 AM

Armageddon=Demi kicking his ass after finding out he slept with someone else?
tonguepunchingpussy writes:
on December 31st, 2010 at 11:28:27 AM

I was worried when I read the headline, like someone in Hollywood thought it would be a good idea and reboot Armageddon, and Ashton was actually cast in it. No, he just watched the Book of Eli, and has too much time on his hands since he can't cheat on Demi...
Phil writes:
on December 31st, 2010 at 12:13:00 PM

one flew over the cuckoo's nest
Crazyhorse writes:
on December 31st, 2010 at 1:00:16 PM

He better work on the Mental workouts

When he finds out he is broke with no money and no one respects him anymore because of his popularity will not matter

"Prove" Your Ashton because I dont believe you they will say during those times too Kutcher

What will he do then
Hollywood1086 writes:
on December 31st, 2010 at 2:25:17 PM

um...what?
minkowski writes:
on December 31st, 2010 at 3:48:20 PM

What is it with celebs that they have to take on some nutty idea to feel better about thmselves?

You've got people like Pitt and Jolie living in sh*thole places like New Orlenas so they can supposedly feel closer to the misery and destitution of the poor people also living there, because we all know there's a spirituality in billionaires commisserating with the poor and homeless by living in a mansion in the same city as those huddled ina box around a burning pile of newspapers.

And then you have the same two wackos adopting kids from all over the world because, again, we all know there's a spritiuality, and an evolution, to be gained by taking one kid here and there, out of millions and indoctrinating them into the way of endless wealth and fame and elitism.

Because all the other children that weren't picked deserve their misery and because a few children lifted out of dire pverty and placed in the hands of such superior humans as them really will do the world some serious good.

And then you have nuts like Cruise who vicariously and mindlessly buys into the most preposteropus bullsh*t ever invented by man: scientology. He goes on tv bragging and preaching to the commoners, the mere plebs about his idiotic religion which involves aliens and magical bracelets and the sort of bullsh*t you wouldn't find even in embarrasingly juvenlile fantasy exploitations like EverQuest, but he acts like it's scientific fact and we should all just accept his word because he's the disciple bringing us the gospel. Whatever.

And now we have the moronic utterances of terrible actor Ashton "I love banging my mother" Kutcher, who ridiculously thinks the world is coming to an end. Like no one has ever thought that would happen. Nope, not in ten thousand years has anyone ever truly believed the world was ending. Never. But he has the inside track, because working out and looking good is really going to save some lives when the radioactive clouds or the massive dust blankets turn the earth into an ice box of death.

But hey, maybe he only anticipates a little of this world ending, just a little bit if apocalypse, not enough to kill everyone immediately, but just the right amount for him to play Paul Bunyan meets Superman with the people he supposedly loves. What a narcisisstic prick.

So how does he think the world's going to end? Because the Mayans, who couldn't even forsee the end to their civilization, predicted the end in 2001? Nevermind that the Mayans claimed that the world has been destroyed four times in the past, of which no evidence exists, but they also claimed the world was magically rebuilt five times, again, of which no evidence exists. lol.

But hey, take the word of the Mayans and no one else, because only they could see into the future even though they couldn't see the past correctly or even their own demise.

Thank god, though, at least we now have Ashton Kutcher and his mediocre muscles and his huliking ego to save us right?
minkowski writes:
on December 31st, 2010 at 3:59:34 PM

"I stay fit for no other reason than to save the people I care about."

Riiiiight. It has nothing to do with looking the best you can as boy toy for the old hag you call wife.

Or for getting roles, or looks from women or whatever else that comes with looking like a gay Calvin Klein model.

Damned liar.
Scott Baiowulf writes:
on December 31st, 2010 at 4:05:37 PM

what is this whack job talking about. no maps and hot water is armegeddon are you kidding me. armegeddon might be coming but because of famine and overexpansive governments not cause this idiot doesnt have hot water or a working garbage disposal. and last i checked maps could be bought everywhere. you sir are a complete tard.
minkowski writes:
on December 31st, 2010 at 4:11:55 PM

Argamgeddon/the apocalypse is the END OF THE f*ckING WORLD, so all the muscles in the world won't save a single soul's ass.

Although we could prop a few buildings up on Kutcher's ego and fill a few sinkholes with his stupidity.
minkowski writes:
on December 31st, 2010 at 4:13:46 PM

Badically he's trying to tell the rest of us that if the world does come to an end, because he's better than us and better prepared and not dependent on luxuries, he'll get to don a cape and carry his loved ones to his Fortress of Stupitude.
minkowski writes:
on December 31st, 2010 at 4:37:12 PM

But I guess working out to save the world is better than looking at Demi Moore's rickety maw any day.

Hey *sshole Skruncher, how about a sequel to the smash hit The Killers? Yeah, we need that one.
Max Rockatansky Junior writes:
on December 31st, 2010 at 5:12:58 PM

Ashton, I would agree with you on all you say in the article ....

if you weren't a f*cking cougar's house n!gga, a comedic joke that makes even Gary Del'Abate look like f*cking Richard Pryor compared to and a schill, that doesn't mind droppin' the latest technology to tweens, as long as you get something in the back-end (as of late, with those pictures of that filly you've been pluggin' while the courgar's away, it seems like the back-end is your favorite position).

You're Assturds Muncher, poster boy for the stupid.



* Happy 2011, everyone (except Ashton) !
Champ1432 writes:
on December 31st, 2010 at 5:19:06 PM

When exactly did Ashton lose his mind? I must have missed it.

What are muscles going to do if true Armageddon comes? Especially since those up there are probably half airbrushed. And how does running in canyons and doing yoga substitute for a hot water heater? So he's taking ice cold showers everyday? He's going without electricity? He doesn't have a cellphone or three? He doesn't live in a ridiculously large house with every convenience imaginable?

Please.

OR.......... maybe he's just taking a page out of Joaquin Phoenix's book and this is all just some highbrow performance art. Maybe we'll get a video at some point of Demi relieving herself on him as he "sleeps".

No, he's probably just insane like I said. Either way, this is ridiculous. We all know only John Cusack knows the way to survive Armageddon. (2012 reference.......anyone......no?....sigh)
minkowski writes:
on December 31st, 2010 at 5:24:02 PM

The end of the world: it's not just for bearded wackjobs squirming in their own feces anymore!
minkowski writes:
on December 31st, 2010 at 5:35:16 PM

"Kutcher's prediction is that people will turn on others as soon as the machines they so heavily depend on are taken away."

Kutcher is not only an elitist prick, he's a kneejerk misanthrope more ignorant than he knows.

It's a simple historical fact that as machine use has increased, intersocial dependency has gone DOWN.

In fact, if we did lose our machines, as he so crudely describes this so-called soft apocalypse, people might at first turn on one another in limited events, but more likely they'll learn to reconnect to those around them, if for not other reason than for support.

All you have to do is visit a neighborhood suddenly without electricity. Watch as all the cave-dwellers who can't name their neighbors suddenly cozy up to them for support and commisseration.

After all, this was the way the world worked for millennia. Only recently did the porch go extinct...

Kutcher's a total moron. He only knows what he has seen in films, not what he has thought or read. He's one of those fools spreading stupidity and hatred of his fellow man, all the while placing emphasis on his alleged superiority.

I hate this guy something awful now, and I wish he would just get hit by a f*cking ice cream van.
minkowski writes:
on December 31st, 2010 at 5:43:47 PM

I'd love to see this guy get Punk'd. Bitch.
Max Rockatansky Junior writes:
on December 31st, 2010 at 6:50:15 PM




minkowski writes:
on December 31st, 2010 at 5:43:47 PM
I'd love to see this guy get Punk'd. Bitch.


@minkowski

If Henry Rollins crushed in his temple with a Louisville Slugger, I'd watch that.

Hell, I'd PAY to watch that.


Champ1432 writes:
on December 31st, 2010 at 5:19:06 PM

OR.......... maybe he's just taking a page out of Joaquin Phoenix's book and this is all just some highbrow performance art. Maybe we'll get a video at some point of Demi relieving herself on him as he "sleeps".

No, he's probably just insane like I said. Either way, this is ridiculous. We all know only John Cusack knows the way to survive Armageddon. (2012 reference.......anyone......no?....sigh)

@Champ1432


(a) Ashton doesn't know highbrow art if it was servicing his c*ck and polishing off his balls with its tongue. Like his mistress does.

But a bukakee video of Demi squatting and giving Ashton a "Hershey Highway Semi" ? I'd watch that.

Hell, I'd PAY to watch that.

(b) Sorry I was late to comment on the 2012 reference ... awesome! Don't forget ....he also is a hitman, has been an arms dealer and owns a hottub that can take him back to the 80s anytime he feels like it!
Max Rockatansky Junior writes:
on December 31st, 2010 at 6:52:25 PM

Remember, ladies and gents ...

2011 : The year Lohan dies choking on her own vomit, while wearing a syringe stuck out of her arm.

Happy New Year!
Ranger writes:
on December 31st, 2010 at 7:09:41 PM

Hey...

HAPPY NEW YEAR everyone (except the pathetic lurkers - which I rate just below human traffickers)... thx. for all the laughs this year (especially thx. to the pathetic lurkers - which I rate just below human traffickers).
Ranger writes:
on December 31st, 2010 at 7:10:22 PM

@Max from your words to God's Will!
yeLLowfLaSh writes:
on December 31st, 2010 at 7:37:20 PM

You have to love these actors. They play a scientist or Special Ops personnel and they start to think they really are that person.
These peter pans need to wake up from their fantasies and do what they do best; just shut up and smile for the cameras.
Man in Black writes:
on December 31st, 2010 at 9:31:54 PM

Gonna have to call bullsh*t on this nancy boy .... ok so he works out and believes he can live with out electricity , what the f*ck ever he cant live without his twitter feed the twat. Ok smart guy you have shot play guns on film and are stock piling weapons , well in the real world you have to know how to hit what your aiming at no like on film where you shoot in the bad guys general direction . Hand to hand combat is a last resort in the apocalypse .... like we said in the Infantry " the day you have to affix bayonets , its gonna be a bad day " .
griffinkane writes:
on December 31st, 2010 at 10:31:24 PM

I'm sure he enjoys grabbing all those crotches from Kra Maga
jdl107 writes:
on December 31st, 2010 at 11:51:23 PM

This is stupid, only reason I'm gonna comment is to say just that.

And... that the only f*cking thing that mattered out of that whole plan (or mild tangent) is firearms and taking them someplace safe.

But he is right, we've gotten pathetically lazy, and also dependant on that technology bullsh*t. I know people that say they'd probably die without a phone, I broke mine about a month ago, and I still haven't thought getting one. Jesus Christ... I'm gonna go before I f*ckin' vent and start saying some non-sensical mumbo jumbo.
HideousSecretion writes:
on January 1st, 2011 at 5:05:13 PM

Kutcher is a prepper? I have newfound respect for the man. Beans and bullets everybody.
mustardayonnaise writes:
on January 2nd, 2011 at 12:13:49 AM

I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some . . . people out there in our nation don't have maps and, uh, I believe that our, uh, education like such as in South Africa and, uh, the Iraq, everywhere like such as, and, I believe that they should, our education over HERE in the U.S. should help the U.S., uh, or, uh, should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future, for our children"
RapeVanDamn writes:
on January 2nd, 2011 at 1:45:50 AM

Stop. Watching. The. Walking. Dead.
SaulSilver writes:
on January 2nd, 2011 at 9:43:21 PM

They're remaking Armageddon already? what will Michael Bay say about this?
RapeVanDamn writes:
on January 3rd, 2011 at 2:04:40 AM

Bay says, KA-BOOM, probably.
ilovemovies82 writes:
on January 4th, 2011 at 6:24:48 AM

No wonder why he was so good in That 70's Show! He wasn't acting. He really is Kelso! :O

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