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Nicolas Cage Eats Animals Based on How They Have Sex

Posted: May 20th, 2010 by WorstPreviews.com Staff
Nicolas Cage Eats Animals Based on How They Have SexSubmit Comment
The Sun is reporting that Nicolas Cage has a process for picking out which animal meat he will and which he will not touch. And it all has to do with the way those animals mate.

"I love all animals. I have a fascination with fish, birds, whales - sentient life - insects, reptiles," Cage explained. "I actually choose the way I eat according to the way animals have sex."

He continued: "I think fish are very dignified with sex. So are birds. But pigs, not so much. So I don't eat pig meat or things like that. I eat fish and fowl."

The Sun is hardly a trusted source, but this is just too crazy to make up. I'm not sure what mating has anything to do with the quality of meat, but it all makes sense to Cage. I just hope he realizes that humans have sex just like pigs and other mammals do, which is apparently in "undignified" ways. Maybe that's why Cage doesn't eat humans.

If you're confused by what's going on, check out the chart below.

Chart: (click to enlarge)


Source: The Sun


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Displaying 28 comment(s) Profanity: Turn On
Golpe de Estado writes:
on May 19th, 2010 at 9:33:09 PM

Wow....his life is as ridiculous as his movies
Blank x2 writes:
on May 19th, 2010 at 9:40:33 PM

LoL. Complete weirdo.

Ranger writes:
on May 19th, 2010 at 9:53:46 PM

My meat goes from tender to hard... depending on the sex I'm having.

EAT ME CAGE YOU f*ckING WEIRDO!
CCBlev writes:
on May 19th, 2010 at 9:59:12 PM

Wow I thought the dinosaur skull was wierd, boy was I wrong.
Max Rockatansky Junior writes:
on May 19th, 2010 at 10:16:58 PM

Yeah, we can always rely on The Sun for the facts.

Moooving on, have you seen Cage's wife ? She is pretty hot (for an asian chick).
SeWerin writes:
on May 19th, 2010 at 10:26:34 PM

Oh of course it's so logical.....wait WHAT?!?!
eViL.kEv2 writes:
on May 19th, 2010 at 10:52:31 PM

"Nicolas Cage Eats Animals Based on How They Have Sex."

Who doesn't?

eViL.kEv2 writes:
on May 19th, 2010 at 10:54:32 PM

Oh, sorry. I thought it read:

"Nicolas Cage Eats Prostitutes After He Has Sex With Their Shoes."
eViL.kEv2 writes:
on May 19th, 2010 at 10:55:56 PM

Yeah, the Animal thing is weird.
Max Rockatansky Junior writes:
on May 19th, 2010 at 11:17:57 PM

Is this really news ? I bet it's near the Page Six girl and an article headlined : Simon Cowell says it's easier to take a sh*te while watching the first two Twilight movies on DVD, followed by GI Joe : Rise of Cobra. Just flushes right out, he claims.
Max Rockatansky Junior writes:
on May 19th, 2010 at 11:18:50 PM

^ That and " Robbie Williams finds hairlip on Susan Boyle. They decide to name it Pebbles Jr. "
Max Rockatansky Junior writes:
on May 19th, 2010 at 11:19:56 PM

@eVil.kEv2

You've seen his roach munching on Vampire's Kiss, right ?

Oh. And it WAS real.
Max Rockatansky Junior writes:
on May 19th, 2010 at 11:20:49 PM

@Ranger

He's a few minutes away from being a poached egg ... his mind is still runny, so to speak.
Jerry Garcia87 writes:
on May 19th, 2010 at 11:46:54 PM

What the f*ck
Max Rockatansky Junior writes:
on May 19th, 2010 at 11:52:04 PM

I mean, sure it's the Sun ... but it's like Worst Previews ... you have to take their news reporting with a pinch of salt ...

anyway, Nic's the one who wants to be buried in King Tut's playpen, so who's to say he doesn't have a Joy of Cooking (with the Karma Sutra) ?
encoreyourface writes:
on May 20th, 2010 at 1:01:43 AM

"Nicolas Cage Eats Animals Based on How They Have Sex"


that is f*cking awesome.
trailertrash writes:
on May 20th, 2010 at 2:33:30 AM

Least he's not having sex with the animals first , or his he ??!!!
trailertrash writes:
on May 20th, 2010 at 3:22:11 AM

Like the normal picture of cage , when the story is clearly a little crazy !! lol
Man in Black writes:
on May 20th, 2010 at 3:53:29 AM

wow i give him 2 more years before he goes 100% howard hughes on us and the last few good movies he did were kick ass and lord of war .... time to go out heath ledger style
trailertrash writes:
on May 20th, 2010 at 4:48:09 AM

Does This mean Cage is a SEX-ETARIAN then ??!!
johnny_boy writes:
on May 20th, 2010 at 5:01:11 AM

Wonder if he eats p*ssy...
masht7 writes:
on May 20th, 2010 at 5:10:24 AM

Nic Cage is going to be like a clone of COC, accept COC had sex will animals.
Melancholic_barbarian writes:
on May 20th, 2010 at 6:55:18 AM

that means he gotta watch all animals have sex before he eats them. Cage you ol' pervert!
jeffw1978 writes:
on May 20th, 2010 at 10:22:40 AM

He is having sex with the animals forst to give it that special sauce flavoring.
Max Rockatansky Junior writes:
on May 20th, 2010 at 6:36:05 PM

@JeffW1978

You've always wondered what that " Special Sauce " was in Big Macs ?


Now you know.

Cage Juice.
Max Rockatansky Junior writes:
on May 20th, 2010 at 6:36:41 PM

When they call Cage " Spunky ", it's not just a cute nickname.
Affliction writes:
on May 21st, 2010 at 2:25:30 AM

I eat my food according to the way they make me have sex. Ill eat two big macs to maitina the enerergy to pick up fat women over my head.....
seveltoto writes:
on November 9th, 2017 at 11:46:44 PM


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