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Previous News Stories Next News Stories

Jedi Accuses Supermarket of Discrimination

Posted: September 19th, 2009 by WorstPreviews.com Staff
Jedi Accuses Supermarket of DiscriminationSubmit Comment
Daniel Jones, 23, who created the International Church of Jediism, claims he was "victimized over his beliefs" by staff at the Tesco supermarket in Bangor, North Wales.

The religion, inspired by the "Star Wars" films, is practiced by 500,000 around the world and requires believers to cover their heads in public places. But Jones said that security kicked him out of the store simply because he refused to remove his hood.

Jones, also known by his Jedi name Morda Hehol, told The Telegraph: "I told them it was a requirement of my religion but they just sniggered and ordered me to leave. I walked past a Muslim lady in a veil. Surely the same rules should apply to everyone."

He added: "It was discrimination. I was really upset. Nobody should be treated like that. I'll advise worshipers to boycott Tesco if it happens again. They will feel the Force."

A Tesco spokesman said: "Jedi are very welcome to shop in our stores although we would ask them to remove their hoods."

Source: The Telegraph


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Displaying 142 comment(s) Profanity: Turn On
johnny_boy writes:
on September 19th, 2009 at 5:10:30 AM

jediism? really? our society has really gotten that stupid and low that theres actually a religion based on Jedis,which come from a movie? that gaurded shoulda grabbed his fake lightsaber and knock some since into that guy.
johnny_boy writes:
on September 19th, 2009 at 5:11:46 AM

whoops! i meant to write guard, not guarded.
The Skippy Spartan writes:
on September 19th, 2009 at 5:14:06 AM

"They will feel the Force."
hahaha

Seriously, we should get these Jedi, and tell them " The Dark side has reveald itself in our fair system. They have organised a cult, known as 'Scientology'. We request aid from the Jedi High Council to fight this evil force adn defend the innocents!

Oh wait, sounded like Jedi Master Morda Hehol was letting his emotions get the best of him! Anger leads to the dark side!

"Twisted, by the dark side, young Hehol has become!"

Can you imagine what a Sith would have done in this dudes situation, would have thrown something on the floor and bolted down the aile screaming "THE FORCE SHALL SET ME FREE!"
The Skippy Spartan writes:
on September 19th, 2009 at 5:21:19 AM

"In other news tonight, the entire jedi temple was attacked last night, hundreds of nerd.. i mean Jedi were found on the floor, making out they were dead! It is believed that Morda Hehol had fallen to the dark side, pretend killed the high council and pretend killed the padawans!

Police are calling this a serious matter, worse than the time a couple of female Trekkies painted themselves green and then tried ot have sex with another Trekkie dressed as Captain Kirk. The man (dressed as Kirk) then got them pregnate, when they gave birth, he got confused as they wern't green and yelled

"KHAAAAAAAAANN!!!"
kevo10183 writes:
on September 19th, 2009 at 5:32:02 AM

Jones, also known by his Jedi name Ima loser told The Telegraph: "I told them it was a requirement of my gaydom but they just sn*ggered and ordered me to leave
Detrimental writes:
on September 19th, 2009 at 6:22:06 AM

Obviously Tesco is a secret cover for the Church of the Sith. Which btw, is much cooler than you Jedi.

To everyone else, join the dark side. We have cookies. (Aisle Seven) =]
mdp711 writes:
on September 19th, 2009 at 7:02:21 AM

Sad times-- dumb people, 3D, Fox, Lohan, sh*tty movies...really sh*tty movies. I'm going to watch the one thing that continues to give me enjoyment...porn.
Ronsauce writes:
on September 19th, 2009 at 7:38:34 AM

"our society has really gotten that stupid and low that theres actually a religion based on Jedis,which come from a movie?"

Yet, it's no more ridiculous than religions based on a couple of old books.
minkowski writes:
on September 19th, 2009 at 7:57:05 AM

"Yet, it's no more ridiculous than religions based on a couple of old books."

Right. Islam, Judaism, Christianity, they're all based on history mixed with historical superstition, whereas 'Jediism' isn't even a religion, it's a nerd cult based on outright moderern cinematic fiction.

"I walked past a Muslim lady in a veil. Surely the same rules should apply to everyone"

Other than the fact that a visibly muslim woman in a veil isn't likely to rob the store, whereas a hooded male just might, the Star Wars nut is right. The muslim woman should have to remove her veil or leave if security asks.
avaela writes:
on September 19th, 2009 at 8:06:00 AM

In grocery stores, women (especially middle aged women) are much more likely to steal than men.
minkowski writes:
on September 19th, 2009 at 8:10:59 AM

I say rob, not shoplift. Hit and run armed robbers, often hooded to hide from security cameras, present a far more significant threat than some middle aged woman pilfering lemon-scented douche.
Peter Parker writes:
on September 19th, 2009 at 8:35:47 AM

If the guy is a Jedi, couldn't he have mind tricked the security into letting him pass?

Dumb f*ck...
IRONDAN writes:
on September 19th, 2009 at 9:07:32 AM

the dude was just trying to get some snacks so he could watch reruns of Sliders and Space 1999 in peace... what's the world coming too
SpookyCupcakes writes:
on September 19th, 2009 at 9:50:39 AM

"claims he was "victimized over his beliefs" by staff at the Tesco supermarket in Bangor, North Wales."

They should be applauded.
acslaterson writes:
on September 19th, 2009 at 11:28:22 AM

This guy must be an Anakin or Luke because he sounds like a whinny bitch. Definetly not a Qui Gon or an Obi Wan. Hahaha, to quote House:

"If you could reason with religious people, there would be no religious people."
NatG83 writes:
on September 19th, 2009 at 11:36:34 AM

If this is a new religion. I want to get married in a Jedi Church. I want a ceremony on a new Death Star, damn it.

"Right. Islam, Judaism, Christianity, they're all based on history mixed with historical superstition, whereas 'Jediism' isn't even a religion, it's a nerd cult based on outright moderern cinematic fiction."

That's exactly what I was thinking, Mink
triggax writes:
on September 19th, 2009 at 12:40:55 PM

@johnny_boy"jediism? really? our society has really gotten that stupid and low that theres actually a religion based on Jedis,which come from a movie?"

http://flyingspaghettimonster.com/

Hit that up if you haven't heard of it already.. Jedism makes WAY more sense than this... but then again its ALL bullsh*t so why would anything make more sense than anything else right?

People the worship the flying spaghetti monster i think are called pastafarians..? haha.. so good..
Im all about the church of the fonz, myself.
minkowski writes:
on September 19th, 2009 at 12:56:55 PM

I worship at the altar of Magan Fox's sweet, sweet ass. Her and Jayden James.
hardcorehogan87 writes:
on September 19th, 2009 at 1:20:26 PM

Yeah, the only difference between him and the Muslim is that the Muslim would blow up the store if she was refused entry to the store; what's "Morda Hehol" going to do, take out his non-existent light saber.
rabid writes:
on September 19th, 2009 at 1:41:28 PM

oh well, it's only as retarded as any religion. let the guy wear his hood.
Ranger writes:
on September 19th, 2009 at 1:44:14 PM

@PeterParker - my thought exactly.

And where was this guy's light saber all through this? p*ssy Jedi!

But, go easy on this guy folks. He has a 'belief'... he's entitled. How is his 'cult' or 'Scientology' ANY different than Catholicism? If you remember when Jesus started that cult, they killed him for it.

This guy just left the store. So, ease up just a bit, 'tay? NOT saying you should agree, and we all had at least a chuckle over this. But he seems pretty peaceful, has his own beliefs (and NO, I'm not a Member of his Organization... LOL!).

But this guy is entitled (as long as he's not hurting others).

You want to generalize and pick on an entire cult. Let's about the Baptists (OK... I'll be fair, these 'splinter factions' of the Baptists), that brings signs to the cemetery where families are laying their family members to rest that have served in the Military... and these 'Baptists' PROTEST the funeral (while it's going on!), saying that person had no right to be in another country fighting (I guess they figure Hilter would have stopped his aggression... eventually and would NEVER have invaded N. America... ugh!).

So there, we have they hypocritical Catholics and protesting Baptists... let's ride their cult ass for a while. They as big a joke, and running on the same pyramidal schemes driven by the $ as any other (The Vatican was built for peanuts).

But cereal... why didn't this guy just use the ancient Jedi Mind Trick on that store attendant?! Stupid, cultist, sh*t!
Peter Parker writes:
on September 19th, 2009 at 1:44:54 PM

Jayden Jaymes... huuuuummmmm (souding like Homer Simpson)
Ranger writes:
on September 19th, 2009 at 1:47:49 PM

Meant to say: 'The Vatican WASN'T built for peanuts.'

And I'm not even into the Bailey's... yet.
Doomytunes writes:
on September 19th, 2009 at 1:49:15 PM

Don't Jedi remove their hoods all the time? It's not a burka for crying out loud.
Ranger writes:
on September 19th, 2009 at 1:50:07 PM

Good point!
Ranger writes:
on September 19th, 2009 at 1:51:39 PM

OK... this Jedi is clearly a sh*t-disturber, didn't use the Mind Trick OR his saber.

Now this cultist deserves to be Jabba-ed!
minkowski writes:
on September 19th, 2009 at 1:54:00 PM

"Don't Jedi remove their hoods all the time? It's not a burka for crying out loud."

Yeah, but only when THEY decide to remove the hood, not when some 'lowly paeon' with a mere 'job' tells them to do so. Rememer that Jed's are spe'al. Thay have 'midichlorians' in their blood.
Ranger writes:
on September 19th, 2009 at 1:59:09 PM

I too tired to even look that up Mink... lol.
minkowski writes:
on September 19th, 2009 at 2:07:37 PM

By midichlorians, I mean HIV. Any fool that wears a hooded coat and calls himself a Jedi is obviously wack and watches Twilight.
Ranger writes:
on September 19th, 2009 at 2:08:28 PM

Bwwahahahahahaa!
scarface85 writes:
on September 19th, 2009 at 2:40:09 PM

holy sh*t, what is the world coming to?
Ranger writes:
on September 19th, 2009 at 2:46:10 PM

Well... to the Dark Side in 2012 apparently.
dandythelion writes:
on September 19th, 2009 at 2:58:11 PM

if it isn't recognized by the state than the little prick can't complain and if it was indeed recognized as legitimate he would have to cut through alot of red tape to get it to be.
triggax writes:
on September 19th, 2009 at 3:33:37 PM

? Well.. regardless of whether its recognised as a religion... I didn't think the UK Recognised anything as religion... Or am I wrong.. Maybe its just everything thats not catholic?
minkowski writes:
on September 19th, 2009 at 3:57:33 PM

A Jedi option is available as a three digit code on the UK census form, under 'religion', even though it's not officially recognized. Yet...
SpookyCupcakes writes:
on September 19th, 2009 at 4:18:15 PM

"Morda Hehol"

More than a hell hole.

Fitting, since that's where he'll end up with his stupid ways.
vaodsi writes:
on September 19th, 2009 at 4:42:07 PM

does that mean the lucas is their jesus christ?
Ranger writes:
on September 19th, 2009 at 4:52:05 PM

That would make Darth the Devil.

Sweet!
dlrippr writes:
on September 19th, 2009 at 4:52:54 PM

Funny article, but in my opinion, all religion is silly and make believe. Maybe he should adjust his beliefs so that he doesnt wear the hood out in public.
HorrorJunky4Life writes:
on September 19th, 2009 at 8:31:26 PM

And I'm not even into the Bailey's... yet


I kinda took you to be a Jack Daniels kind of guy.
tino78 writes:
on September 19th, 2009 at 8:37:30 PM

this is a crazy story but yet hilarious one. i think jedi's take off there hoods when they fight or teach lol. god people r fricking nuts!
Ranger writes:
on September 19th, 2009 at 10:01:42 PM

@HorrorJunky4Life - not 'til noon my friend... not 'til noon. lol.
FFantasy1984 writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 12:03:12 AM

I'm all for not matter what religion you are you should be able to do what you believe. But come on a religion based on Star Wars. That's a little crazy and stupid.
FFantasy1984 writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 12:09:59 AM

"Yeah, the only difference between him and the Muslim is that the Muslim would blow up the store if she was refused entry to the store; what's "Morda Hehol" going to do, take out his non-existent light saber."

This is an ignorant quote by an ignorant person that knows nothing of the world outside their own door. Based on this site I could say that all males that watch movies are pigs/*ssholes/slobs/a disgrace to humanity among other things. But that would be false because I know that's not the case, same rule applys to this.
minkowski writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 12:37:11 AM

What the hell does a 25 year-old woman, of all people, from Florida, the tourism state of all places, know about Islam? That's all I want to know. Something you learned in a sensitiveity class?

Overwhelmingly, middle class males of Islamic faith commit the majority of all suicide/terror bombings. So this tongue-in-cheek joke has a kernel of truth, but you're too damned sensitive and blinded by political-correctness to even admit that much.

It was a joke. Get the f*ck over it.
vaodsi writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 1:26:33 AM

@FFantasy....

good point.
hinataoccu writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 2:15:44 AM

"sn*ggered" hahaha
FFantasy1984 writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 12:53:40 PM

Really and what do guys that spend all day talking about girls in movies that they will never ever get and drool over all day ever know about the real world? Why is that that it's okay for you guys to get on and talk and pretty much insult anyone and everyone that doesn't agree with you, and talk about women/girls like they are nothing but your personal play things, but I can't speak my mind? And by the way I live in Florida but don't spend most of my time here, I travel more that I am home (and look at a map Pensacola is not a tourist area, it's right near Alabama, blah). And yes maybe I don't know everything but at least I don't insult people that i don't understand like most people do. I could make jokes at most people that on here's expense after every post you guys make. But most of the time I let it go. FYI one of my best friends is from the Middle East and thank you very much but I do know a lot of things about Islam. And just so you know the fact that someone on here took offense to my comment is weird given that the person that posted it should have been ready for someone to take offense at his post. If he can say what he wants, then I can say what I want. If you guys can be pigs and disgusting then I can say how I feel about something. Get over it yourself. You guys just aren't happy that someone had the nerve to tell you how they feel.
Ranger writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 1:07:45 PM

@FFantasy - clearly you need a hard one in the bum (and not from your girlfriend's strap-on). Go organic next time, have a go with a guy.

If your head wasn't so far up your Princess ass you'd see the DOUBLE STANDARD in your first post.

First you say the one poster should lay off from his Islam JOKE (do you know what a joke is... you ignorant c*nt?!).

2nd. YOU make fun of the guy's Star Wars-based religion.

3rd. you make cracks ASSUMING non of is get better looking women than what is available in Hollywood?

Did your Father's constant sexual attacks upon you really make you this ignorant, un-funny, un-accepting and augmentative... or does it just c*m (get it, idiot?) naturally, like your Daddy did into you.

People on here have expressed opinions BASED ON THE TOPIC OF THE THREAD... YOU (c*nt-bitch-whore) have made it person (as have I).

And before you bother to yank your Daddy's d*ck out of your ass, and finish him off with what I'll ASSUME could only be the world's worst blow-job (when your mom showed you... remember, she took her teeth out first), to whip up some clever reply... know this full well, I DON'T GIVE A sh*t! So... shut your c*cksucker, save your judgments and personal attacks for your Dad (when he insists on not using lube inside your already worn, loose *sshole), and limitations on people's 'Freedom of Speech' on here (which I'm exercising, AND making personal - as you have).

Have a nice Sunday, Daddy's ugly, fat, whore.
FFantasy1984 writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 1:17:07 PM

Actually your post is wrong making it about someone blowing something up was not what the subject was about. And yes I will admit that I did make fun of someone and yes after I posted it I thought about it and how it wasn't right of me. So yeah I'll admit that. But what I don't understand is why it's okay for you guys to say what you want and nobody should ever talk back but if someone does, then it's the worst thing in the world. And yeah there are a lot of things that you guys think are funny and frankly I think they make you guys sound stupid, but this was over the line to me. It did touch something very personal for me, so why shouldn't I have the right to speak up?
Ranger writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 1:26:30 PM

Speaking up is fine. That's what this site is about. But make it personal... and so will we.

Calling others 'stupid'... you're how old (mentally, not physically).

If you talk to people like this in public your parents were too busy over-indulging you. If you have spoken to people like this in public and no-one has taken your head off, it's not because you have intimated them - it's because they have decided that your inconsideration isn't worth the backhand. But, that is just a matter of time. If you only talk like this to people over the Internet (anonymous and safe), then that makes you a coward.

So which is it Princess?
triggax writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 1:52:42 PM

I don't want anybody attacking me for this, but how but we leave this one alone..?

Im not standing up for her I really don't care... It seems that between about 4 or 5 of us, someone is getting offended by what we say in every single thread... This ones not flat out telling everyone to get aids and being slanderous and not going away... She voiced an opinion, lets leave her alone... Isn't anyone sick of arguing with easily offended people? Let her be offended... Who cares, it's not effecting our day in the sense that we need to tell her shes been raped and shes a c*nt... Lost rose was a raped c*nt... this one seems to just under appreciate stereotypes... (suck it up) but really... Do what you will... Maybe its just too early in the morning...
triggax writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 1:55:50 PM

Oh f*ck it...

I don't care.

Fantasy, don't get offended, you're not muslim... Ive got muslim friends.. f*ck my uncles an orthodox muslim.. Im not offended at all... Its f*cking funny.. its meant to be funny... its not meant to tear down an entire group of people... I think that they'll press on and I don't think that they need you to defend them....
FFantasy1984 writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 1:57:19 PM

To be honest, it did hit me wrong and I didn't mean to make it personal to the person that wrote it. But I get on here and read what people write and I wonder what they are thinking. Most of the time it's rude and crude but I think a level of respect should be enforced, and yes I let me anger get the best of me. But think about it, I misspoke and shouldn't have made it personal just put up an opinion. But on the flip side if you guys spoke in person the way you do on here do you think that people wouldn't take you heads off? Think about it, let's just drop it as someone has asked and try to be a little more respectful from all ends yours and mine.
minkowski writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 1:58:58 PM

"Really and what do guys that spend all day talking about girls in movies that they will never ever get and drool over all day ever know about the real world? "

And who are you referring to? Me? I doubt that you know about much of anything, and I'll bet I know more about that 'anything' than you. Want to put it to the test?



"Why is that that it's okay for you guys to get on and talk and pretty much insult anyone and everyone that doesn't agree with you, and talk about women/girls like they are nothing but your personal play things, but I can't speak my mind? "

The only person that can silence you on WP is Alex, the owner. We're just responding. Like you. So get over it and stop whining. You're not a f*cking victim.



"And by the way I live in Florida but don't spend most of my time here, I travel more that I am home (and look at a map Pensacola is not a tourist area, it's right near Alabama, blah)."

Who the f*ck cares. You travel through Florida and you live near bumf*ck hillbilly Alabama. You know jack about the world. You live in a tourist states filled with dying old people and hurricanes. And you live nest door to the home of the Klan. Big f*cking deal. That makes you a specialist on Islam?



"And yes maybe I don't know everything but at least I don't insult people that i don't understand like most people do."

I understand you perfectly. You're a know-nothing, wannabe know-it-all, pretentious, hypocritical twat that can't take a joke.



"I could make jokes at most people that on here's expense after every post you guys make."

Go for it. You'll regret it later.



"But most of the time I let it go. "

Because you have sh*t to say.



"FYI one of my best friends is from the Middle East and thank you very much but I do know a lot of things about Islam."

One of my closest companions is a f*cking pet, that doesn't make me a veterinarian.



"And just so you know the fact that someone on here took offense to my comment is weird given that the person that posted it should have been ready for someone to take offense at his post."

That's the worst f*cking sentence I've ever seen in type anywhere. Where'd you learn to post an opinion? Florida's Department of Correction's GED program?



"If he can say what he wants, then I can say what I want."

No sh*t, huh? And then we can respond to you responding to him responding to you. And so on. Anything else obvious you'd care to post?



"If you guys can be pigs and disgusting then I can say how I feel about something."

Sure you can, sweetheart, but don't cry when we you rip you a new vagina.



"You guys just aren't happy that someone had the nerve to tell you how they feel."

No, we're just disappointed that someone with two mouths has nothing to say.
FFantasy1984 writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 1:59:21 PM

I forget to mention this as well. How can you tell if someone is telling a joke online to truly being offensive? because there are people that are trying to be ugly at times.
triggax writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 2:03:56 PM

"Think about it, let's just drop it as someone has asked and try to be a little more respectful from all ends yours and mine."

I don't think anyones cares about anyones feelings around here. It's not enforced, as of now, to not say what you want. So until then, i think that regardless of how you feel you should just choose not to read the comments that are in bad taste or just blaringly offensive... Because it won't get you anywhere.

And it makes no difference really, whether its truly offensive or if its just a joke... Theres no need to try and change the world one thread post at a time... There are 800 billion websites out there, each one more or less offensive than the last, its what you choose to soak in that matters... not the comment itself.
Ranger writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 2:04:12 PM

@FFantasy and trig - GOOD POSTS! I agree!

Hugs all around!

@FF - the moderator of this site has given us pretty exceptional latitude in our discussions. I guess my saying that you made it personal - was a kind of censorship on my part, I apologize (because EVERYONE on here knows I'm AGAINST censorship). You made something personal, yes I'm pretty sure most/all of us have.

I believe strongly (obviously) this Jedi person believes in his religion as much as a Catholic believes in theirs. It's also my personal believe that ALL religions are cults (they all certainly started out as such, and I don't think the number of members a 'religions' has should remove it from cult status).

So kudos to your for rethinking things and post such, and to I for rethinking things. And to trig for being the breath of reason on here.

FFantasy... I hope you DO post more on here. A female perspective is certainly welcome (seriously). So... welcome to WP, and excuse MY personal attacks.

trig... u da man (even if you're a p*ssy that doesn't allow freebasing in your balcony).
minkowski writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 2:07:20 PM

"but I think a level of respect should be enforced,"

That's digital fascism. You're demanding someone enforce verbal morality and ethics in a medium invented for the free expression of thought.

"and yes I let me anger get the best of me."

Are you British? c*ckney?

"But on the flip side if you guys spoke in person the way you do on here do you think that people wouldn't take you heads off?"

No, because most people don't want *their* ass kicked, and they don't want to go to jail. Other than that, they can say what they want, how they want.
Ranger writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 2:07:30 PM

And you're black... and you own your own theater... and that must piss off the Jews.

(OK... I'm back up to speed now).
minkowski writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 2:11:44 PM

Well damn, I just cannonballed into an empty pool, Thanks guys (Ranger especially) for taking all the water out. Party poopers.
Ranger writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 2:15:07 PM

@Mink - I agree with you 100%

And now we're into the slippery slope of censorship I mentioned a long time ago when Alex had to draw some lines.

Without some check and balances, and where humans are involved, things could slide so badly towards 'the Dark Side' that it could get pretty offensive here.

Do I like censorship - NO - EVERYONE on here knows that about me.

FFantasy posted a personal opinion calling this Jedi's guy's religion 'stupid', which, as a coinky-dink I know all religions are - but she was just singling out this one guy. By the very rules of this site, she is allowed to do so. Then she made some personal attacks (we ALL have), the I got defensive.

So, I think we ALL need to scroll past the posts that we find offensive. Leave the moderator alone with all the bitching (running to Mommmy kind of sh*t), and just enjoy the site until the dirty Jew buy it and impose some bullsh*t rules (ok... I'm laughing too hard right now to finish...).

I kill me. I really, really do!

Seriously FFantasy... welcome to WP. Sorry if the initiation was a bit rough... but I think you'll find the group of f*cking pigs and *ssholes on here worth debating.
Ranger writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 2:15:37 PM

@Mink - LOL. You're on your A-Game 2day Bro!
FFantasy1984 writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 2:16:08 PM

"I don't think anyones cares about anyones feelings around here. It's not enforced, as of now, to not say what you want. So until then, i think that regardless of how you feel you should just choose not to read the comments that are in bad taste or just blaringly offensive... Because it won't get you anywhere.

And it makes no difference really, whether its truly offensive or if its just a joke... Theres no need to try and change the world one thread post at a time... There are 800 billion websites out there, each one more or less offensive than the last, its what you choose to soak in that matters... not the comment itself."

Yeah you're right and usually I'm a pretty good sport about things, in my line of work I actually have to be.If I got offended at things easily I couldn't shoot sports and be in locker rooms and what not. But something just hit be wrong, and I've posted a good bit on here and for the post part just say my peace and let it be. Just wondering but am I really the only girl on here? I've never noticed anyone else
minkowski writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 2:22:36 PM

What do you say to a Muslim with his arm all the way up a camel's butt?

"Having car trouble?"
Ranger writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 2:23:37 PM

@FF - another good post (honestly).

YOU bring up a very GOOD point. One I have suggested in this thread and others.

You admit that stuff would normally roll off your back, and you'd let it go, but something on here struck a nerve and you want (and did) fire back. That is EXACTLY what we have talked about on here before (usually with quite the regularity) that people DO handle things over the Internet (anonymous and safe). In a bigger discussion (to yet be had) we could say this difference in behavior on here vs. 'the real world' could be a down fall (one of many) of the human race (it's the difference between breaking land speed records in the car, but toning it down when a cop car is in sight... isn't it).

So, good post.

And no, you're not the only female on here. There's slushi. But he's just a pretend guy wanting to be female.
Ranger writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 2:25:00 PM

What do you say to a Muslim with 2 black eyes?

Nothing... he's already been told twice.

@Mink - shouldn't that have been: 'Having car bomb trouble?'!
minkowski writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 2:28:31 PM

lol@Ranger

What's the difference between an American BBQ and an Islamic BBQ?

How do you tell a Sunni from a Shiite?

The Sunnis are the ones with the Shiite blown out of them.
FFantasy1984 writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 2:29:16 PM

I've often been told I'm a guy in a girl's body. Most girls actually piss me off and I just find them annoying. but you know every once in a while something just hits you wrong. So I didn't mean anythign by it, and it won't happen that much. And yeah I hear a lot of sh*t in locker rooms that is much worse that some things on here. So it's not like I'm a sheltered princess. Anywho, I gotta go, I'm shooting a game tonight and need to get ready hopefully you guys won't throw me off the site.
minkowski writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 2:29:42 PM

I didn't finish the first joke. lol. I wonder who's getting pissed now. Perhaps I should throw in some white man jokes.

Ranger writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 2:34:13 PM

@FFantasy... no worries there. If I, Mink, trig and others haven't been punted from the site (yet), you're pretty safe... lol.

Enjoy your day. Thx. for coming back to discuss and not argue.

Welcome!
Ranger writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 2:34:47 PM

Yeah Mink... what's up with missing the first punch line (that in itself was a bit funnier than the joke my good man!).
minkowski writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 2:36:13 PM

A pompous minister was seated next to a cowboy on a flight to Texas. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The cowboy asked for a whiskey and soda, which was promptly brought and placed before him.

The flight attendant then asked the minister if he would like a drink.

He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen brazen whores than let liquor touch my lips."

The cowboy then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "I didn't know we had a choice."
Ranger writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 2:37:40 PM

LOL... PRICELESS!
Ranger writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 2:38:15 PM

But... isn't 'pompous' and 'minister' in the same sentence redundant?
minkowski writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 2:38:17 PM

Sorry ranger. The funniest ones I won't even post. Just trying to see you;ll get irate.

The punchline:

In America, Humans roast animals over a fire.

In Islam, it's the other way around.
minkowski writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 2:40:23 PM

An elderly couple is enjoying an anniversary dinner together in a small tavern.

The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind this tavern where you leaned against the fence and I made love to you."

"Ahh, Yes," she says, "I remember it well."

"OK," he says, "How about taking a stroll 'round there again and we can do it for old time's sake."

"Oooooooh Henry, you devil, that sounds like a good idea," she answers.

There's a police offiicer sitting in the next booth listening to all this, and having a chuckle to himself. He thinks, "I've got to see this... two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble."

So he follows them. They walk haltingly along, leaning on each other for support, aided by a walking sticks.

Finally they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt, takes her knickers down and the old man drops his trousers.

She turns around and as she hangs on to the fence, the old man moves in. Suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the watching policeman has ever seen. They are bucking and jumping like eighteen-year-olds. This goes on for about forty minutes!

She's yelling, "Ohhhh, God!" ..and He's hanging on to her hips for dear life. This is the most athletic sex imaginable. Finally, they both collapse panting on the ground. The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life that he didn't know. He starts to think about his own aged parents and wonders whether they still have sex like this.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the oldcouple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on.

The policeman, still watching thinks, that was truly amazing, he was going like a train. I've got to ask him what his secret is.

As the couple pass, he says to them. "That was something else, youmust have been having sex for about forty minutes. How do you manage it? You must have had fantastic life together. Is there some sort of secret?"

"No, there's no secret," the old man says, "except that fifty years ago that damn fence wasn't electric
Ranger writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 2:40:50 PM

Well... you're talking airlines, and middle eastern humor... this is probably neither.
Ranger writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 2:42:57 PM

I hope that joke was cut & paste for you... I've heard it (still... damn funny though).
minkowski writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 2:44:00 PM

lol!

Aww, man that was a savage joke.
Ranger writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 2:44:49 PM

Hey... don't kill the messenger!
minkowski writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 2:45:29 PM

Ok. Have you heard this one Ranger?

A Russian, a Cuban, an Englishman and a Pakistani are on a train.

The Russian takes out a bottle of his best vodka, drinks a bit and throws the rest off the train and says, "There's plenty more of that where I come from."

Everyone is impressed. The Cuban takes out one of the finest Havana cigars, takes one puff and throws it off the train and says, "There's plenty more of those where I come from."

Again everyone is rather impressed. So the Englishman stands up and throws the Pakistani off the train.
Ranger writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 2:48:54 PM

LOL!
triggax writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 2:49:51 PM

Okay okay, since we're being offensive and all Ive got 3 east indian jokes... DONT GET OFFENDED they're just jokes!!

Kay so did anyone hear about the new East Indian doll they're marketing?????

You pull the string and it STINKS...!

How many east indians does it take to shingle a roof?

It depends on how thinly you slice them.

Now heres one.
An east indian man is sitting waiting for the bus, a dog comes along and sh*ts on his shoes, he doesn't notice... The bus gets there and the man steps on the bus, he asks the bus drive "how much" the bus driver says, "well its 1.65 for you, but its gonna be an extra 80 cents for your son"


HAH!

@Ranger "And you're black... and you own your own theater... and that must piss off the Jews."
Not a lot of jews up here. It's mostly Mormons and Russians... If you can believe that... and they don't bother me... Maybe its because they're scared of black people, i dont know.
synthetic1985 writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 2:50:37 PM

wow...after reading the article and the posts...i think a stoner would be able to sh*t his pants properly...cuz this is some funny sh*t
Ranger writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 2:51:00 PM

A row of identical houses line both sides of the street. Where do the Italians live?

Answer: it's the one with the diving board over the cesspool.
Ranger writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 2:52:29 PM

@trig - who isn't scared of Black people?!
minkowski writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 2:52:59 PM

LMAO!

I tried to find some white guy jokes but they're all effin stupid. So naturally here's another Mid East joke.

A Muslim walks into his local mosque with a big grin on his face.

"What are you so happy about, Abdul?" Asks the Imam.

"Well, I'll tell you," replies Abdul. "I live by the railroad tracks and on my way home last night, I noticed a young woman tied to the rails, like in the American movies. I cut her free and took her back to my humble abode. Allah be praised - we made love all night, all around the tent. We did everything, me on top, sometimes her on top, every position permitted by Mohammed, Peace Be Upon Him!"

"By the most Merciful," exclaimed the Imam, "you have been blessed. Was she as beautiful as a desert flower?"

Abdul grimaced, "By the Jinn, I do not know - I never found her head."
triggax writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 2:53:10 PM

On the same block ranger, where do the mexicans live?

It's the one with the most cars parked on the front lawn...

Is that even funny? That's not that funny..
minkowski writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 2:54:09 PM

Ranger, I'm part Italian, and I'm totally f*cking offended! So why am I laughing my ass off?
triggax writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 2:54:25 PM

"@trig - who isn't scared of Black people?!"


Haha, Im f*cking deathly afraid of black people... You should meet my wife...
triggax writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 2:56:02 PM

@mink...

BAAAAHAHAHAHA... f*ck me, IM OFFENDED...
Ranger writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 2:56:09 PM

Did you guys look up that link that TG was good enough to find the other night for John Byner's (Canadian Show) BIZARRE, specifically his regular skit: 'The Bigot Family!'?

Irish Dad.
Jewish Wife.
Black Son.
(and Asian son... etc... it's endless).

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/1118352/the_bigot_family/

or:
http://search.ovguide.com/movies_tv.php?q=john+byner%27s+bizarre

But check around the whole site for more.
minkowski writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 2:59:53 PM

How did the Germans conquer Poland so fast?

They marched in backwards and the Polish thought they were leaving.
______________________________

Have you heard about the new German microwave ?

It's got ten seats inside.
Ranger writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 3:01:46 PM

The NEW 2010 Volkswagon!

Seats 10 Jews!

2 in the front.
2 in the back.
6 in the ashtray.
minkowski writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 3:05:01 PM

LMFAO@Ranger. Good one!

What's white and black, and comes in cans?

Michael Jackson.

_______________________

What do you call a blonde with white eyes?

Filled up.
minkowski writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 3:06:21 PM

f*ck, I ruined that MJ joke. Proably wasn't that funny.
____________________

What's white and black, and comes in little cans?

Michael Jackson.
minkowski writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 3:08:31 PM

A Mexican, a black, and a white guy are in a bar having a drink when a good-looking girl comes up to them and says "whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me".

So the white guy says "I love liver and cheese." The girl says "that's not good enough."

The black says "I hate liver and cheese", and the girl says "that's not creative".

So then the Mexican says "liver alone cheese mine."
Ranger writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 3:12:39 PM

That's nacho funny!
Ranger writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 3:13:32 PM

What's clear and red and lies at the side of the road?

A terrorist with the sh*t kicked out of him!
Ranger writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 3:14:27 PM

What do you call a dried up piece of suicidal sh*t?

Answer: Gary Coleman.
c-prime writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 3:20:09 PM

Jesus H., these jokes are f*cking electric! Ha ha! Minkowski, the "car trouble" one's my favorite.
minkowski writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 3:21:43 PM

lol.

What do Muslim men do during foreplay?

Tickle the goat under the chin.

_______________________________

A Scotsman goes to the dentist and asks how much it is for a tooth extraction. "$85 for an extraction, Sir" was the Dentist's reply.

"Och, huv yer no got anythin' cheaper" replies the Scotsman getting agitated.

"But that's the normal charge for an extraction, Sir" said the Dentist.

"What about if yer din't use any anaesthetic?" asked the Scotsman hopefully.

"Well it's highly unusual, Sir, but if that's what you want, I suppose I can do it for $70," said the Dentist.

"Hmmmm, what about if yer used one of your dental trainees and still without anaesthetic" said the Scotsman.

"Well it's possible but they are only training and I can't guarantee their level of professionalism, and it'll be a lot more painful. I suppose in that case we can bring the price down to say $40," said the Dentist.

"Och, that's still a bit much. How about if yer make it a trainin' session and have yer student do the extraction and the other students watchin' and learnin" said the Scotsman hopefully.

"Hmmmmm, well OK it'll be good for the students I suppose, I'll charge you only $5 in that case," said the Dentist.

"Och, now yer talkin' laddie! It's a deal" said the Scotsman. "Can yer confirm an appointment for the wife for next Tuesday?"
triggax writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 3:36:26 PM

HAH!

So this super drunk f*cker stumbles out of a bar. He walks down the street past a church, he sees a nun walking up the steps of the church... He grabs her by the back of the head, throws her to the ground and proceeds to beat the ever loving sh*t out of her... kicks and punches and elbow drops... As two men walking down the same street see this happening they run over and pull the drunk off of her, the drunk exclaims "YUUGGGRR NAAWWT THAT TUFFF BATMAN"

So a woman cuts her husbands c*ck off after she finds out hes cheating on her, she then takes off with the penis in hand and drives across town. At the same time a truck driver and his daughter are embarking on a trip through town. The woman drives over a bridge and throws the severed c*ck out the window onto oncoming traffic. "plaack" the bloody c*ck hits the windshield of the truck. The daughter asks "what was that daddy?" nervously the truck driver wipes his windshield and says "nothing sweetie it was just a bug" the girl shouts "THAT BUG HAD A HUGE c*ck DADDY"

HAHA
Ranger writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 3:37:13 PM

I asked my Ukrainian friend how he broke his finger.

Awww... someone sucker-punched me in the nose!
minkowski writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 3:44:45 PM

While trying to escape Iraq, Saddam found a bottle in a cave and picked it up. Suddenly, a female genie rose from the bottle and with a smile said "Master, may I grant you one wish?"

"You ignorant unworthy daughter-of-a-dog! Don't you know who I am? I don't need any common woman giving me anything!" barked Saddam.

The shocked genie said "Please, I must grant you a wish or I will be returned to that bottle forever."

Saddam thought a moment. Then he grumbled about the impertinence of the woman, and said "Very well, I want to awaken with three white American women in my bed in the morning, so just do it and be off with you!"

The highly annoyed genie said, "So be it!" and disappeared.

The next morning he woke up in bed with Lorena Bobbitt, Tonya Harding & Hillary Clinton. His penis was gone, his knee was broken, and he had no health insurance............God is good
Ranger writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 3:45:41 PM

So...

There's these 3 dogs at the vet. All sitting on the floor between their master's legs. They look around at each other...

The first dogs asks one of the other dogs: 'What are you in here for?'

The dog replies: You know the Postman?! (the other dogs eye light up... and pant: yeah... YEAH?!).

Well, my Master opened to get the mail, and I took the opportunity to break out, and finally bit that mailbox-slamming son of bitch!

The other two dogs: 'Kewl!'

Well... not so kewl, I'm here to get the big needle... I'm on my way to doggie heaven.

Bummer - 1 dog replies.

The dog just having told his story asks the dog next to him: 'What are you in for?'

Well... there's this punk-ass kid that keeps poking a stick through the fence at me. and this one day the wind kept blowing the gate open so I seized the opportunity, broke out, and bit that terrorizing little son of a bitch!

'KEWL!' the other dogs replied.

Not so kewl. I'm here to get the big needle too. I'm on my way to doggie heaven.

Bummer.

So, the one of the dogs ask the 3rd dog his story.

Well... one day, my Master's wife was wearing this all cotton semi-see through, low cut summer dress (the other dogs start panting), and well... she bends over to load the dishwasher (the other dogs: 'yeah... YEAH?!'), well between the sunshine coming through that dress to show me all that God had given her, and the view... I just had to get up onto my hind legs and mount that sexy bitch!!!!

So one of the other dogs asks: 'So you're here for the big needle too and going to doggie heaven?!'

f*ck no. I'm here to get my nails trimmed!
c-prime writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 3:47:04 PM

I've got one:

A fag, a queer, and a homosexual walk into a funeral home. Their husbands have all died and they're meeting with the mortician to make arrangements for the burials.

The mortician walks up to the fag and asks, "How do you want your husband to be buried?"

The weeping fag says, "Well, my husband always did like surfing, so I'd like to have him cremated so I can scatter his ashes across the wide, open sea."

The mortician walks up to the queer and asks, "How do you want your husband to be buried?"

The weeping queer says, "Well, my husband always did like sky diving, so I'd like to have him cremated so I can scatter his ashes across the gentle breeze."

The mortician walks up to the homosexual and asks, "How do you want your husband to be buried?"

The weeping homosexual says, "Well, my husband always did like chili, so I'd like to have him cremated so I can pour his ashes into a bowl of the stuff so he can tear my ass up one more f*cking time!"
Ranger writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 3:53:11 PM

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead rob a bank.

They're successful, and all pile into the getaway car. The brunette and redhead get the front seat (because the blonde doesn't know how to drive OR how to read a f*cking map!).

The speed away... but shortly hear sirens!

The redhead in the front passenger seat yells: 'f*ck, IT'S THE COPS!'

The brunette driver: 'NO sh*t SHERLOCK!' Then asks he blonde in the back: 'ARE THEY AFTER US?!'

The blonde replies: 'I don't know!'

The brunette driver: 'WTF you mean you 'don't know?!' Are it's lights flashing?!'

The blonde replies: 'YES...no... YES...no...YES...no!'

triggax writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 4:10:23 PM

And, gentlemen.. What have we all learned today?

....
....
....
....
....
.............
WE'RE SUPER f*ckING FANTASTIC AWESOME! AND HILARIOUS! f*ck YAH HIGH FIVES!
triggax writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 4:14:49 PM

And that a woman is only worth degrading if her name is Lost Rose...
minkowski writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 4:21:46 PM

Buwhahaha @ Ranger and Cprime!

"And that a woman is only worth degrading if her name is Lost Rose... "

Hell, LostRose is the best punchline we've got!
Ranger writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 5:06:03 PM

I suspect her rose has been punched numerous times.
Ranger writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 5:24:13 PM

Meanwhile.... back to the Connery, Indy5 thread...
Adamtheflash writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 6:08:06 PM

why didn't he just use a jedi mind trick on the clerks of the store?
Ranger writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 6:49:08 PM

We covered that Adam. That was one of the biggest mysteries of this story. This guy could just be a Jr. Jedi, and not yet licensed to practice that trick... yet.
PrevalentMind writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 7:47:51 PM

It's not discrimination- its a deterrent for people who like to murder and rob.

Jackass.
japaninmotion writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 7:53:58 PM

couldnt he just used the jedi mind trick to get past the guards? the force is weak with this one it is
Ranger writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 8:28:36 PM

The store clerk should just be grateful it wasn't Jar Jar Binks in the store.
vwkombi writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 11:04:36 PM

Nice jokes guys, i have a few i would like to add. Tell me if i am taking it to far (which i have a tendancy to do):

--------------------
A bloke walks into a chemist and asks for a packet of condoms.
"I'm afraid I can only sell them to you if you're married." The chemist says.
"Well, I am, "replies the bloke.
"You'll have to prove it," says the chemist.
So The bloke rushes back home, gets his marriage certificate, shows it to the chemist
and finally gets his condoms.
A few days later, the same bloke goes back to the same chemist to get some flea
powder for his dog.
"Got a dog license?" the chemist asks.
The bloke reluctantly trudges home in a rage and gets the dog licence and is finally
handed his flea powder.
The next day he's back in the shop and hands the chemist a screw-top-jar.
"Here, smell this," he tells the chemist.
"The chemist unscrews the lid and takes a whiff.
"sh*t!" cries the chemist, wrinkling his nose.
"Correct," says the bloke. "Now two rolls of toilet paper, thanks."
-------------------------
Poor little Johnny had been blind from birth. One night,
before he went to bed, his mother told him that the next day
was very special. She told him that if he prayed very hard
to god, he'd be able to see when he woke up. Johnny was
very excited and prayed very hard for two hours.
The next morning, Johnny's mum came into his room. She
smiled at her son and said. "Wake up Johnny. Open your
eyes and all of your prayers will be answered!"
Johnny opened his eyes and started screaming. "Mother!
mother! I still can't see!"
"I know darling." said his mother. "April Fools!"
----------------------------------------
A bloke applied for a job at the local council buy failed the medical because
he didn't have any balls.
Finally, he managed to convince the doctor and his boss that it wouldn't make any
difference to how he worked.
"OK," said the boss. "You can take the job. But just one thing, you have to start
at 8 am."
"Why?" asked the bloke. "Everyone else starts at 7.30."
"Yeah," replied the boss. "But they stand around scratching their balls for half and hour!"
-------------------------------
A lady was doing her spring cleaning in her 12th floor apartment. She was just
shaking out a rug on her balcony when a strong gust of wind caught the rug and
carried her over the edge.
As she was falling, a bloke reached out of the eighth floor window and caught her.
"Do you f*ck?" the bloke asked.
"No, of course I don't!" the woman replied, so the bloke dropped her.
As she hurtled past the fifth floor, another bloke caught her.
"Do you suck?" he asked.
"Definitely not!" the woman replied angrily, so the bloke also dropped her.
As she approached the earth, she prayed to god to give her another chance
at life.
As she plummeted past the second floor a third bloke miraculously caught her.
"I f*ck!, I suck!" the woman screamed in a frenzy of fear.
"Dirty slut," the bloke said, and let her go.
Ranger writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 11:11:15 PM

Nice work VW...

I just can't believe she didn't get raped 3x's on the way down!
vwkombi writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 11:20:14 PM

Another one i thought of the other day:

Johnny is watching TV one day when his mother walks into the room. She looks at him and says "Johnny, i've got some good news and i've got some bad news." Johnny becomes concerned and replies "ok, what's the bad news?" His mother says "i'm not buying you anything for Christmas this year". A disapointed Johnny then asks "What's the good news?" His mother answers "You have cancer, so you won't be around for Christmas anyway".
Ranger writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 11:23:25 PM

f*ck... I almost did a spit-take on that one!

Kids + Cancer = ultimate formula for a joke.
Ranger writes:
on September 20th, 2009 at 11:23:57 PM

Jesus VW. Are you keeping the Sasquatch avatar?!
vwkombi writes:
on September 21st, 2009 at 12:50:18 AM

Hehe, the stupid c*nt needs to be remebered somehow. I somehow don't feel that his job as the butt of every joke has quite been finished yet.
vwkombi writes:
on September 21st, 2009 at 12:51:30 AM

"Kids + Cancer = ultimate formula for a joke."

Ohh believe me, i know some of the sickest children and abortion jokes out there. :)
Jensama writes:
on September 21st, 2009 at 3:11:59 AM

Oh please, please, please, Jones! Can you walk into a supermarket, and take some cookies or whatever, and then just walk pass the counter? And when the person behind the counter hinders you and tells you to pay for the lovely cookies - do PLEASE answer her with the following:
"These are not the cookies you are looking for".

AHahahahahaha - a test of faith, my friend!

So run along and let'em feel the Force. Please.
Ranger writes:
on September 21st, 2009 at 3:15:21 AM

@vw - promises, promises.
Ranger writes:
on September 21st, 2009 at 3:16:30 AM

@Jen - lol. Nice reference.
Jensama writes:
on September 21st, 2009 at 4:29:16 AM

Well, I do my very best to please you, Ranger.
Jensama writes:
on September 21st, 2009 at 4:38:32 AM

Hey btw, is the text readable in my avatar or is it as much of a waste like the upcoming movie with the same name?
Jensama writes:
on September 21st, 2009 at 7:19:50 AM

And since we're writing jokes, maybe I should add one to make fun of my own country to show how much I don't care and that I love laughing at myself. The world is a lot less funny if people has to take everything so god damn serious. Now laugh.

"A swedish student was in a bookstore. "This book will do half the job for you," the clerk said. "Good, I will have two, " the swede replied."

"A bar customer asked the bartender if he wanted to hear a Swede joke. The bartender pointed to a large man at the end of the bar and said, "He's Swedish." Then the bartender pointed to a burly policeman near the door and repeated, "He's Swedish." The bartender finished, "Now think about whether you want to tell that joke, because I'm Swedish, too."
The customer replied, "I guess I won't tell that joke after all. I'd have to explain it three times."

"A swede was in a nightclub in New York, dancing with a beautiful woman. He whispered into her ear, "I love you." She smiled and whispered back, "I love you too!" There was a little pause, the swede was thinking, then he whispered, "I love you three."

"A swede, a norwegian and a dane were arrested in France during the french revolution. They each got to choose which way they would die. The norwegian chose the guillotine, because he saw it as the latest fashion. His head went under, but the blade stopped 1 inch from his neck. The french saw this as a sign from God or something and decided to let him go. The same thing happened to the dane. Then they asked the swede how he wanted to die. "I think I'll die by hanging, that guillotine doesn't work anyway," he said."

"There was this swede who once got home and found his wife in bed with another man. He was so angry that he got a gun and pointed it to his own head. "NO! Don't do that," his wife begged. "Shut up woman! You'll be next," the angry swede replied."

"A norwegian, a dane and a swede was stranded on an desert island. But then they met a good fairy who would grant them one wish each. The norwegian wished himself back to Oslo in Norway, the dane wished himself to Copenhagen in Denmark and suddenly they were both gone. The swede suddenly being alone there on the island wanted to be with his friends so he wished them both back."

minkowski writes:
on September 21st, 2009 at 9:00:58 AM

Yur avatar says what? Rape is imminent? I can barely read it.
minkowski writes:
on September 21st, 2009 at 9:00:58 AM

Yur avatar says what? Rape is imminent? I can barely read it.
Armpit writes:
on September 21st, 2009 at 10:46:00 AM

Wow - you guys are harsh - next thing - you'll be laughing at my religion - Spockism...
Ranger writes:
on September 21st, 2009 at 12:22:11 PM

Nope - I LOVE Spockism!

Especially that love-making move they teach you: 'The Vulcanian Clit Yank!' that drives all the ladies crazy!

Pon-Farr this Biach!
bluemeenie writes:
on September 21st, 2009 at 3:35:56 PM

No country has recognized Jedi as 'a religion'. They have to pay their taxes. Ask Tom Cruise why he hates Germany.
bluemeenie writes:
on September 21st, 2009 at 3:38:51 PM

"Why for you at Tesco Supermarket pursuing fleshly hunger and desires? Spirits are we, not crude matter...Doh or dohnut- there is no Thai"
-Yoda
Jensama writes:
on September 21st, 2009 at 4:11:42 PM

@Mink: sh*t. Ok. I'll change. And yes, it says rape is imminent. But meh. I've waited a long time to add an avatar, and now I was reminded why. Can't find anything that works for now.
Mohadumb writes:
on September 21st, 2009 at 4:29:15 PM

Europeans and Americans will share the fate of the indians (Native Americans)
The aztecs, the mayan and the incas all dissapeared to give way to the european lead civilazation, they invited the Europeans with good heart but unfortunate for them, they just come with two things on mind, how to get their resources and how to exterminate them (look at any north american city there are hardly any Indians and if there are are in Reservations and never has been an Indian president). European and American leaders are doing what the Indian leaders did, inviting their enemies to their land and to their positions of power (see obama for example the first muslim president and the one who will destroy the West).
Christianity was first removed by the seculars and socialists just to make room for Islam the belief of the new Conquistadors.
Just as the conquistadors of the indians did with their machine guns, they used on anyone in their path, in the same way Iran and Pakistan will use their atomic weapons first on America, they won't put their nukes on a Museum as the West is doing with their Nukes.
Time that the Neo cruzadors wake up, Jihadist listens to our theme.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XLNCe3ZYZ1E

Were not submissive, were not aggressive
But they think we cant defend

Stand up, join us, modern crusaders alive
We have the power to face the future
Cause we are the fighters
Just fighting for our rights

Theyre accusing, like always without knowing
What is just fiction or what is the truth
They have no mission, they have no passion
But they dare to tell us whats bad and whats good!

Drive on
And weighted down,
Always enslaved.(just like islam all slaves)

Stand up, join us, modern crusaders alive!
thedotsays writes:
on September 22nd, 2009 at 9:11:44 AM

Ugggh I'm pissed I missed out on this one lol.
ugotjewed writes:
on September 22nd, 2009 at 12:26:27 PM

wow what a f*cking douchebag

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